I believe that one of the biggest lessons to remember time and time again as a person who might be considered a control freak by some is that, I can not control the actions of others I can only control my actions. Ohh, trust me if you tell this to a control freak in the heat of the moment you'll never see a face more scorn with fury. Although as one myself few other lessons in this world can bring more still peace to my heart. I try my best to remember this lesson, and when I do, I find it brings my heart a helpful breathe of life especially when it feels like insufferable people are just squeezing the life right out of it. I am only human, so I do falter like everyone else, here are some moments from this past week where I did my best to keep a level head and only attempt to control my thoughts and actions rather than the thoughts and actions of others no matter how strongly I feel my way is the right way.
My Youngest & His Damn Schedule
When the kids were younger, my entire day was dictated by the five of them. As they grew and started school, I found a little more freedom in my schedule to do as I please, which, of course, was shoe shopping. I assumed that as each grew, I would slowly but steadily regain almost the entirety of my day to do with as I please, but jeez was I wrong. Over the last few months, my youngest has a jam-packed his schedule full. With zero regards for mom and her life, I am expected to drop everything and chafer him here and there and every freaking where. Now I know what all of you are thinking; he's my son, of course, I can control him. It's as simple as 1, 2, 3, but here's the thing, while I would love nothing more than to be the sole dictator of my day. I want my youngest to feel free enough to feel like he can jam-pack his schedule full of activities. I want him to experience the easy livings of life because sometimes being an adult sucks ass. Unless he finds some time machine, he won't get to relive these moments again. I want him to look back on this summer and think of all the fun he had and not that he was trapped at home because mom had to do this or mom didn't have time for this. So even though I could say no and take my schedule back from my youngest, I am choosing not too because I want him to be a carless kid for as long as possible.
Umm No Ma'am That Is Not The Problem
MaKayla and I recently attended a meeting where we were able to make our voices heard and listen to the peers of our community. MaKayla and I are pretty strong independent people who take very little shit from people no matter how loud they get. It's just the way we are. While we were at this meeting, we once again heard a particular complaint come up along with what we interpret as an aggressive solution. We stayed silent as everyone interjected their unique voice into the conversation then we took our turn to express ours. In this case, MaKayla and I both genuinely do believe that the problem everyone is upset over is, in fact, not a problem at all. As we expressed this, we encouraged people to have a broader mind of thinking and to really play out their solutions in their minds. I understand the frustration and the want to get everyone on board with your train of thought. So I completely understood when we were met with a very vocal rebuttal. As best as I could, I kept a level head and gave an honest reply. Which unfortunately was met with a bitter aggressive close-minded answer. Even after I said my truth, a section of the room was not willing to change topics until I caved and agreed with their thoughts. In the spirit of professionalism and knowing that I can not control someone and their close-minded opinion, I did my best to find common ground to which I could reply with a yes. Once the yes left my mouth and into their ears, their heads immediately cooled as if they had just won a triumphant battle allowing the room to move on. As much as I wanted for the room to hear what I had to say and immediately agree without any resistance. I knew that it was impossible, especially so when I was met with such aggression for stating my honest opinion with no desire to control the tone of the room or people thoughts. I choose to peacefully state my stance and then step back, knowing that if anything, they did physically hear me and my opinion. Which is all that I can ask for.
You Can Feel Your Feelings & I'll Go Ahead and Feel Mine
Over the last few months, I have been obsessively worried about the feelings of my close ones. I have such a great love for them that I would never want another person to come into our lives only to cause them to feel negative. While I know this obsession is with a good heart, at the end of the day, I need to remind myself that I cannot control someone's actions as much as I cannot control how someone feels about them. I would love to save each of my children from and heartbreak too deep, but heartbreak, tears, loss, and devastation are all those awful life emotions that take you on a journey of wisdom and strength making you a greater and stronger person later on. In all of the haze of trying to create a soft place for my loved ones to land. I forgot that I too am going through a heartbreak that is filled with tears and devastation making me feel lost and emotionally vacant. To keep a sane mind and a healthier place for my loved ones to come to when they are feeling low. I do my best to remember that attempting to control how someone else feels no matter how pure the intention is an unwise task. For not only will it not really work, but it will also cause myself to forget that I have my own feelings that I need to feel and to be okay with.
I can not control what others do, what others think, or what others feel no matter how much I want to control a situation because the fear of the unknown is just too damn scary. We all should remember that you will find more peace of mind if you focus on your actions, thoughts, and feelings then come together with others to deal with any problems at hand.
This is one of my many life lessons that will stick by my side forever.
Share yours @ThavinMarcob We love hearing from you!
Thavin & Marcob is a place where you are celebrated for being you!