It’s funny because I have no words, but plenty when it comes to this now aging memory. Truth be told I thought after the incident had a few days to settle it would turn into one of those hilarious stories I pull out over tipsy conversation at family reunions. That was until I took McQueen our small lab mix senior dog out for a stroll around the neighborhood to only lock eyes with one of those seemingly innocent creatures of the wild. Immediately I felt my heart quicken in pace as my hands and feet scurried closer to my pooch. Unknown to her what was going on, I attached us at the ankle and began speed walking us up an intimidating hill — ferociously glancing behind us with my eyes cast towards the pavement so if by chance we were my eyes would not lock with those of a deer. If an onlooker saw such a sight, I’m sure I looked like a complete dork. Although in that moment I didn’t care, all I was concerned about was making sure we did not come face to face with a mother deer. In all honesty, it wasn't until this moment happened that I realized how much of an impact my first encounter had on me. So while now I will swear to you up and down I am not scared of deer. I am, however, fearful of another intense encounter with one.
You're right, enough already. Let me descriptively paint you a picture
so you can see for yourself my outrageously hilarious deer encounter.
Our Typical Evening Walk
We have two dogs that now qualify as senior dogs. We have Noble who is a miniature border collie and McQueen, who is a mix of Noble and a black lab. I love to take each of the girls out on their own solo walk in the early evenings. In the night of question, I harnessed Noble up for our venture outside on a walk around the neighborhood. Everything was going as usual. Noble was scooting along stopping ever so often when she smelled something intriguing. This particular day I was feeling considerably drained, making myself not up for our typical route. Instead, I opted for a shorter route that took us up a hill then back down. In my mind, that was an excellent compromise for the two of us. Although admittedly she was having a blast and my heart didn’t have the strength to pull such a happily wagging dog back inside just quite yet. We were now at the top of a hill, knowing that my dog is old I thought a great and friendly way to burn off some of her energy so that we both would be satisfied with our walk was to jog back down the hill, which is exactly what we did. However, when we came to the base of the hill and were met with our driveway. I decided to turn and loop around our yard so that both of us could have a cool-down lap.
Our Eyes Met For A Lengthy Piercing Gaze
As Noble and I just barely passed a row of mailboxes, my eyes locked onto those of a deer. Where I live, it is not uncommon to see a deer or six just out chilling and eating away at someone's garden. So neither of us reacted in any way because it's only a deer. The deer was in the middle of our tiered yard, placing Noble and I on higher ground maybe ten or so yards away. After a quick assessment, I figured we were okay because for one the deer are always around, two I did not find us to be imposing or threatening because there was ample amounts of space between us, and three it is baby season and I didn't spot any baby deer anywhere around us. Out of curiosity, the deer and I did make intense eye contact for a significant amount of time, for no real reason on my part except that even though I have lived alongside deer for years now and am still amazed at how unfaced to humanity they seem. Noble and I made our way to the base of our tiered yard, still on the paved roadway; however, now in the middle instead of along the side. As we slowly made our way down the road, stopping, twisting, and turning at all of the amazing smells. I could feel eyes on me. I turn and looked up only to once again lock eyes with the deer who was now above us. Never in my life have I ever had wildlife turn against me as such. Within a tenth of a second, the deer turns and starts to gallop straight at us.
Fight Or Flight
Immediately the memory of one a few days prior pops into my mind. There I can hear the echo of my mother informing me that a deer had attacked a dog who unfortunately did not make it as well as a group of people who thankfully did. My heart rate increased then fell to my stomach as my ghost-white self shakenly retracts Noble's never-ending leash. As I try to pull her as close to me as possible all while calling her name so that she will follow me as I unnervingly ran down the street. Noble is not only old; she is a little dog with little legs. I don't know what we did, but the deer had baffling gained so much ground on us that there was not enough time for myself to pick Noble up and run back home. If I did our backs would have surly pressed up against the nose of one evil ass deer. So there I was running down my street at 6 pm sweetly calling Noble's name praying that she would not abruptly stop to smell something. I honestly thought that the deer was just going to chase us for a few yards then stop and turn around, but it didn't and when the fact of what was transpiring before me really set in. My immediate reaction was to call out for my mom. Which is a hilarious reaction looking back because what did I honestly think she was going to do for me if by any chance she happened to be out on the porch at that exact moment. After two helplessly unanswered calls I gave up, and just freaking ran, glancing behind us every second or so hoping and praying the deer would lose interest in us. Once again I have no idea what the fuck we did to piss it off so much, but I really and truly thought that as soon as Noble and I made it to our driveway that the deer would for some reason agree that, that was home base and we were automatically safe. Hopelessly to our legs, the deer was not playing fair and even as we clearly passed the line of roadway to driveway still ferociously kept a steady stride behind us. Sweet call after sweet call I started to think poor Noble was confused, I genuinely think and still do that she had no idea of what was going on. I don't know how you miss being run down by a deer, but poor Noble did. She probably thought I was being sporadic and weird for the last stretch of our walk. Unknown to her I was trying to get us to out run a damn deer. Coming to terms with Noble's confusion and the fact that I didn't know if we were going to be able to keep our pace once we reached our steep ass driveway. My brain immediately started to devise a plan C. Plan A was my mom, and Plan B was run to home plate. The deer wasn't that large and from quick assessment was undoubtedly a female because of its lack of antlers and small frame. With flight clearly in effect and getting me nowhere, my brain decided if all else fails we are left with no other choice but to fight. In a matter of milliseconds, I decided that if Nobel couldn't make it up the hill I was going to pick her up and shield her with my body as the deer took out its aggression on me. I figured that if the deer really wanted to hurt us, it would have by now. I assumed that it was toying with us like a real ass hole. So absorbing a few kicks from a deer hopefully wouldn't be deadly for me. It would, however, be for Noble who is a small, confused, senior dog whom I love very much and would take a few kicks from a deer for. Noble was a real trooper and made it up the hill only losing a little speed. The demonic deer chased us up a good portion, but then swerved to the left as it dived into the trees and brush that line our driveway.
Did That Honestly Just Fucking Happen?!?!?!
Noble and I burst through the door in a panic with Noble limp from exhaustion and me shaking screaming, "MOM, MOOMMM, MOOOMMMM. We were chased by a freaking deer, a freaking deer, a deer!" The confusion both in her voice and in Noble's tired eyes said it all. Did That Honestly Just Fucking Happen?
Still a little confused and still a little scared, that's my recent Da Fuck moment.
Thavin & Marcob is a place where you are celebrated for being you!